"And when u said i was a stalker!:-P that classic." ~A. K.

Add me or subtract me, the end result will still equal the same. Im gonna be jus fine! m(^_^m)z

Was it all a dream?

The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
Mine seemed like the whole night.
& that's if it even was a dream!
All I know is my heart was hurting.
A piercing pain every time I moved.
I've never had a heart burn or a heart attack but I would say it was
similar in a way.
I felt as if I was getting no sleep from this.
If it wasn't a dream, I feel fine now & wonder what was the cuase of it
all =)
If it was a dream, what does it mean??

I am not what happened to me

Morning Sweet Peas. Been a while huh. Anywho, this morning is yet
another gorgeous morning. The sun is bright & yellow. A gentle breeze to
get things going. A bit chilly to bring a morning jogger to wear a
hoodie but the sounds of nature is pleasing to my ears. I must say that
these last 2 weeks & especially this weekend has been exhausting to me.
With the last days of highschool, which has ended friday (hurray for
me), & relationship complications due to family issues... How does a Big
Dreamer Teen begin to balance all of that. I don't want to be a hopeless
victim of the past, but how do you mend & fix a life that hasn't even
started yet? & as for those who thinks/believes they know the answer...
let it be know that the answer only applies to yourselves. I am a
different individual, much like the diverse individuals at your local
grocery store, or the school your enrolled at, or even familiar, the
family you share tears & laughs with. We all cope/deal with something in
our lives. & we all cope/deal with those happenings differently. Some
better than others. Me? I am not only a individual amongst society, I am
an individual amongst my past, created by my past, however I am not my
past. =) did you get that [L.0.L]^lotz uf luv* I don't regret or
apologize for nothing I have become, said or done (so far at least). &
neither should you Sweet Pea. Only exclusions would be
1. I should have done this better
2. I should have said something
3. Etc...
& that kind of thinking will ultimately lead you to be who you want to
be. You are who you want to become...
CLOSING STATEMENT: IF THOUGHTS COULD BEND SPOONS, MOVE OBJECT, ALTER
REALITY, CRYSTALIZE WATER... CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT ROUGHLY 70
PERCENT OF YOUR BODY IS MADE OF WATER... IMAGINE HOW YOUR THOUGHTS CAN
CHANGE YOU... CRYSTALIZE
YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The grass isn't always greener

Whoa... That's crazy. The couple, my ex's ex & his boyfriend, are now
separated. I used to be sooo green with envious passion & jealous of
their relationship. I guess the grass isn't always greener on the other
side.

and,

and you doubted me... i actually feel good now that i think about it =]

and mommy says "i never doubted you it just didnt have to be so hard."

and it think...

long and hard...

and i couldnt think of nothing else except "i love you mom."

truth b told. 4 my south african prince mthobisi

Sometimes fear feeds on the flesh of uncertainty. & sometime uncertainty
can get the best of you. For me, uncertainty & fear consumes many
aspects of my life, both personal & impersonal. & although I can
conceive it, it doesn't make dealing &/or coping any easier. I struggle
with trust. Love. The future...
You, I know I can trust. Love. & hope for a joyous future with you. New
found passion. Happiness. Reason to be better. Excuse to my every laugh
& smile. The composer of the song my heart sings. The love that
nourishes me. The spark that ignights my light within. The dream catcher
who turns them to reality. The first thought when I wake. The last
before I dose off. The image I see all around me, even when your not
near. Someone worth trying for. You mean more than words could ever
express. A million pictures each worth a million words still could not
amount to way I feel about you. ♥

About Me

This is gonna be long! So bear with me! The name is James. Loved ones call me Jimmy and friends call me Jay, and well, the gays call me sophie, my enemies call me bitches and hoes. My birthday is June 28th and my Zodiac falls under the sign of the moody crab, Cancer. I am about 5’5” and weigh roughly 115. I am light skinned, golden brown like hot buttered cornbread, with dark brown hair and eyes like black eyed peas mixed with neck bones, sounds good yes I know, but wait till you get a taste (JK). When it comes to my features I have my Mom’s eyes and nose while I have my Dad’s mouth and ears. And for those peps who want to know, im part Korean (g-ma on mommy’s side), part Indian (g-pop on daddy’s side), and im black too (roots). I don’t really have any hobbies 'cause I’m involved in almost everything. You can say that i’m down for anything. One thing I can’t live without is soul food. Greens, macaroni and cheese, chitterlings (yucky) ,mashed potatoes, ribs, potato salad, baked beans, lemonade, apple pie, ect. I love it all. The best thing about my appetite is that I could eat and eat and eat and never gain a pound. Lucky me. I see myself as outgoing, wild at times, outspoken, fun, energetic, and goofy. On the flip side I can be laid back and lazy, easy going, shy, down to earth, and not so talkative. Others have said i’m crazy and annoying. I can see myself as crazy but never annoying. Clingy and possessive, maybe, but never annoying. What I like most about myself is my mid section, faded 6 packs, fit but not too muscular. My voice is low and raspy but it gets high and squeaky at times. I have 1 sister, 3 younger brothers, and 2 more brothers who are older than i. Live with my Mom and Sister. It is ever so hard to be the only male in the house. My 5 brothers live with my dad. I have 2 best friends, who are both girls, and their names are Nkechi and Natay. Others do apply its just too many to name! Don’t really have any guy friends. My shirts are usually an S. I will wear anything from A&M, H&M, Aero, ect. I wear a 30x30 in pants which is also baggy on me still kinda. I love J’s and I have to get 1 or 2 pair a year. I wear Boxer Briefs. I don’t like plain white briefs. Ankle socks. Long and regular socks bother me. Why, I don’t know, they just do. To me the world is like a day in a cold, wet, and unknown place. It is cruel and shows no mercy. It is corrupt with no peace in the air. It is a place where the theory of survival of the fittest is practiced. Barely and rarely are there any joyous days. Most days offer enough pain and hurt that won’t drive you to suicide, in most cases, but enough that you can take and stay alive. Best described as a beautiful struggle. But regardless to this harsh world I’m thankful for my Dad. He is the only comfort I have. Someday I hope to fulfill my fantasies and make my dreams come true. If I had a million dollars I don’t know what id do. Id probably waist it on candy and junk. Maybe buy me a car and some clothes. If I could have a super power I would want to fly. It would give me something to do when I’m bored and a way to flee from my troubles. My perfect date doesn’t have to be expensive. But it would be nice once in a while, for real. I also enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Going for a walk on a beach or going to the movies would be perfect to me. I’m easily satisfied and don’t ask for much. Just being with my baby is romantic enough for me. That also goes for my lover. He or she has to be sexy, treat me right, and able to give me what I need. Whether its love, security, sex, or just showing me a good time. The best movies are the movies that involve Aaliyah. Like Romeo Must Die or Queen of the Damned. She was the best and still is, Beyonce is ok. Tyler Perry is the best actor. He inspires me to the max, to the fullest. Which brings me to a close. See, reading all that I had to say wasn’t so bad. So suck it up sucka!```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Duh!* Aaliyah is the best there ever was. And just like her song she is one in a million. Most will say that Beyonce is a better singer, better dancer, better looking, and comments like that. But just like everyone has a shit hole, everyone has there own opinions. And I will respect that. So respect mine too. I admit, beyonce can move that ass and shake them hips and she has a beautiful voice but shakira has all that too, but beyonce is good at that, meaning that is some of her talents. Aaliyah breaths life in her music. Its in her voice that sooths the heart but she offers a tight beat to cheer the soul. And if you put it together you got music all ages can dance too. Now don’t get it twisted. Aaliyah is sexy too. I think people give beyonce too much props. And aaliyah can dance too. And she puts her all into it. Not just her ass. What I like about aaliyah is that she could be cool when she wanted to, sexy when she wanted to, but maintaining her default mood which was very calm. Again, which is why she is appropriate for all ages. Not to mention she doesn’t have a set sound, her music varies, and im glad that I got to hear her grow and mature through her masterpieces. So that is why aaliyah is the best there ever was… to me.
Dating experience!* This may or may not come to a shock to some peps who will read this but I am someone who is not comfortable in my own skin. Not saying that I dislike myself because I love every cell of my body. To me enough is never enough and I feel as though I can be so much better, mentally and physically. Like I long for something or someone to complete me but I can never find just that. Everytime I try and talk to someone, I always end up hurt. The reason my relationships, or shall I say lustful flings, don’t last long is because the people I date are mostly people who is filled and surrounded by negativity, which is my fault for falling for every word they say, and mainly because I get defensive at times. That’s just me. Along with that, I have been told that im moody. Yeah, ill greet you with an overwhelming welcome, but on a wrong day ill have you wishing that you had thought twice about coming. The good ole cancerian ways, gotta love it.



I'd like to meet someone who is cool. Also, someone sweet and easy to talk to, a person who wouldn’t mind listening and can keep any secrets I tell them, someone I can laugh with and have a great time with. I want to meet anyone from anywhere who I can be myself with and they’d like me for little ole me. I have too many ex-friends who turned out to be fake. I don’t need them. They only bring drama, raise hell, and start shit. I hate clowns. And that’s spoken with passion.



My mom is my hero. He is my rock of strength and security, tree of shade and protection, sun which is the source of my energy, wind that whispers knowledge and wisdom, the ocean that keeps me wondering what my future holds for me and what lies ahead, the fire that dwells in my eyes that sparks my imagination giving me something to live for, and so much more.



I’m not a book worm but I do read in spurts whether it’s a school assignment or for my pleasure. As a Cancerian I am imaginative, and for me to read, the book has to keep me interested, guessing, on edge, and hungry for more, if not then I’m not going to waist my time reading. Also, I'm not a person with a big box or a whole shelf of books because I only have a few.



Comedy, romance, horror, I love them all. I will watch just about anything from food to fashion to cartoons to reality.



I like any genre of music that has a tight beat or meaningful lyrics. I mainly listen to R&B but I sometimes find myself drawn to Kirk Franklin (Black Gospel), 2 Pac (Rap), and My Chemical Romance (I have no idea). Where I’m at I tune in to 107.9, 96.5, or 93.1. Aaliyah, aaliyah, aaliyah, aaliyah, aaliyah.



I like playing games. The games I play are mostly fighting and adventure games like any of the Tekken and Final Fantasy collections. I currently have a PS2, Xbox, and a Nintendo DS. I like dancing. Most people I know can tell you that I can dance. I like to get live at parties. Though sometimes, usually on a slow song, I get carried away and I get sexual. Ill have the person I’m dancing with on the floor in every position I fancy. Freak-a-leek… Yes… Man whore… Maybe… Some have said id make a great Chippendales dancer. I like singing although it isn’t the best. But I hit a few notes every now and then. I think all I need is some singing lessons cause I believe the talent is there for sure. I have saved the best for last… I breath poetry. Its in my blood. Love it to death. Im a fantastic writer. If your interested ask me to drop a line or two.

Who?

Who will be the one dwelling in my dreams? Who will be the one I wake up next to? Who will be the one eating the breakfast I cooked? Who will be the one getting dressed to spend time with me? Who will be the one walking on the beach with me? Who will be the one watching the sunset with me? Who will be the one fulfilling my fantasys? Who will be the one coming back home with me? Who will be the one dimming the lights to eat dinner with me? Who will be the one talking with me? Who will be the one to undress me? Who will be the one to make love to me? Who will be the one to lick me all over? Who will be the one to take a shower with me? Who will be the one to make love to me once more? Who will be the one watching me sleep? Again, who will be the one dwelling in my dreams? Who will be the one for me?

Leavin Him.

I assume your neglect in responding to my question as a confirmation
that you are in fact better without me. In my own opinion I can see how
that could be but I don't agree with you letting me go the way you did.
I don't agree with you giving up. I don't agree with your decision of
perplexing me with your words of im not happy with you quote unquote.
And I also don't agree with me simply walking away. There's a lot of
things we could have said and done but failed to do so. So all is as it
is now. And that's how it should remain in regards to my perception.
There is no doubt in my mind and I don't question assurance that you
have found ways to sleep without me next to you. If there were any
alternatives to my love I tried to give you I bet you spared no time in
taking it. Making that vacant spot whole again with someone else's
flesh. These are my last words to you papa, and my last favor I ask of
you. Forget all of me. The risks and the safety taken. Joy and pain. Up
and downs. Every inch of me, all except memories. Memories are forever.

The feeling is mutual. But I have to stand by my mssg. I have to stop
comming back to you. And you have to stop missing me. We both have to
stop everything. So tomorrow night im deleting you off of my myspace,
phonebook, and im only holdin on to our cherished memories. I encourage
you to do the same. I encourage you because I love you. And I want you
to be happy. Without me clouding your sunshine.